Neither here nor there

I have to find a placement,

Someone I love is no longer coming home

I am bereft, alone

How can I tell her?

Send her

To a nursing home?

For both of us,

It is displacement.

 

She has known war and flight

Strength of will and decisive insight

These have brought her far from fear.

Now she had a stroke

New conflicts rise

There is a struggle going on inside

I can see it in her eyes.

 

I seek here and there,

Facilities of care

The rooms are so bare

A cupboard, table, bed

Routines, baths, getting fed;

In the TV lounge little is said.

 

I seek here and there

How will she settle?

The faces here peer

Am I a long lost relative

Come to visit them?

They see me turn away

Hope fades again.

 

I seek here and there

All is so strange, alien

She would never agree …

Her eyes seek mine

To plead

Do not leave me here.

 

I seek here and there

What goes on behind the front door

Is neither here nor there.

The window to the outside

Has long since frosted over.

Eyebrows and cheekbones

Shadows on the pane of glass …

Neither here nor there.

 

I seek here and there

The pressure is on

I must choose.

Surely this is the one,

Can it be the Godsend?

The nightmare does not end.

 

Forget your hope

Wipe the tears

In time

It will all be –

Neither here nor there.